For children to reach their greatest potential, they need to be able to tap into their natural instincts.
We all want the best for our children.
We all want them to thrive in school. We want them to find things they’re passionate about and pursue them with vigor. We want them to reach their potential. And we all want them to be happy.
So why does it so often feel like such a struggle?
Parenting is hard, and being a kid can be hard as well. But there are a few key things you can do to make both a LOT easier.
The goal should be to help kids become someone who can go into the real world and use their strengths to be productive problem solvers.
Here’s three things you should know in order to help your amazing kids become amazing adults:
It’s okay if a child isn’t just like their parent or their friends. What truly helps them is to grow up to be really great problem solvers. So, it often helps to reframe what success looks like. One constructive goal is for a child to have the freedom to be themselves, because each kid has everything they need inside of them to be successful.
Of course, children often don’t have control over WHAT they’re allowed to do, so that freedom often comes in the form of letting them control HOW they do things.
There are three parts of the mind. Ancient philosophers and modern psychologists talk about these three dimensions of the mind, with separate domains for thinking, feeling and doing. To be at your best, you need to be in the zone for all three.
And that includes a missing piece to the puzzle far too many parents and teachers overlook. That third part of the mind, the doing aspect, is all about your instincts and natural way of solving problems. It’s the HOW. When children are able to take action and make decisions and problem solve the way they naturally execute, it gives them a freedom that is game-changing.
Actionable Tip: You can easily measure how your children naturally problem solves. There’s actually a 15-minute assessment students can take right now to let them know their instinctive strengths. It’s a great first step that has been proven to increase self-efficacy, decrease stress, and maximize productivity! Check out the Student Aptitude™ Quiz HERE.
Your smart, engaged child is struggling with something at school? It may not be about WHAT they’re being asked to do, but HOW they’re being asked to do it.
Different children naturally execute in different ways. And when they’re forced to work against their grain, it’s like making them write with the wrong hand. They can get it done, but it’s going to be harder, it’s going to take longer, and it’s not going to turn out as well.
Students who end up working against their grain a lot (whether it’s self-imposed because they feel like they need to do it that way, or it’s imposed on them by their parents, teachers, a mentor, etc.) will inevitably struggle.
And that is where we lose momentum with kids, because then they’ll stop trying.
The good news is these roadblocks can be avoided by understanding a student’s strengths and reframing situations to give them the freedom to use those strengths. Give them a permission slip to do it another way, and you’ll be amazed at the difference it can make.
For instance, not every child has to be somebody who is naturally going to structure or plan using a little planner. Give them permission to figure out a different way to get their homework done or not follow the teacher’s structure.
It’s not permission not to do something. It’s permission to do it another way. Because that third part of the mind matters!
Actionable Tip: Help your children navigate roadblocks with the Kolbe Parent Guide™ Report. It’s an easy-to-follow online resource that aids parents and caregivers in supporting their child’s striving instincts. Parents learn how to recognize and honor their child’s instinctive strengths so that they can provide support with solving problems, improving communication skills, and increasing the opportunity for personal success in school, extracurricular activities, social situations, and at home.
There are certain dynamics that come into play when you start getting two or more people together. Your strengths, the teacher’s strengths, other kids in the classroom — all of those start to play into how those dynamics work in a real-life situation.
Collaboration can be hard. People frustrate each other. Communication often breaks down because we have a natural way of communicating that is based on our strengths and what we need.
How do you help youth collaborate with others in a productive and healthy way? Look for mentors who execute in a similar fashion. Adults have instinctive strengths too, and they can measure their MOs (method of operation) with the Kolbe A™ Index to see how their instincts line up with their children and others (not to mention how they naturally operate when free to be themselves!).
Keep in mind that MOs are not genetic, so sometimes a parent is not the right person to navigate this. Sometimes the guardian or teacher a child works with the most will naturally operate in a much different way. So, it can help to find a mentor, perhaps a different teacher at school, who kind of operates the same way the student does, to give advice.
Consider the people they study with or do group projects with. Sometimes their friends are not the best people to be in a group with. We’re often drawn to people who are just like us, and it’s easy and you’re not really striving. Just because people have similar interests as us, that does not mean they naturally solve problems in ways that will lead to productive collaboration.
And lastly, it is so important to respect the approaches of everyone in the family. Depending on how big your family is, there will likely be a variety of different strengths in there that you, and your child, are going to have to work around. The more equipped they are with knowledge of how they operate and how others around them operate, the easier it will be for everyone to be productive and content.
Actionable Tip: Don’t stop with this article! Make sure to check out our larger discussion on this topic with Nicole Loucks, VP of Youth and Education Programs at Kolbe Corp. For less than an hour of your time listening to a podcast, you’ll come away with a wealth of information on how to empower your children!
